"Ere, John! John! That's right, you - you with the face! How d'ya like to save some real money? Course you would, sensible bloke like you." "What? No, nuffink dodgy. What, me, with my worries? Nah, there's just this 'ere computer software who's just come my way. Good stuff - no messing. Look, nice artwork - even work on that there Electron." "Look, tell you what - take the two for less than four quid. I know, I know, I'm robbing mesself, but then that's the kind of bloke I am." "Right. Thanks. Look, you wouldn't be interested in one of them C5s would you? No? Pity..."

So, okay, I took them. I mean, where these days can you pick up Beeb games for £1.99 each. Looked okay too - Woks! and The Great Wall - a touch of humour, nice inlays, can't go wrong really.

That is, until they transformed from raw data into games on the screen. How can I explain how disappointing these are?

Well, The Great Wall, despite the usual duff story on the inlay, is nothing less than our old friend Hunchback rewritten with a Chinese theme. If your idea of fun is shelling out good money for what looks like a magazine listing then we'll just have to redefine 'fun'. Me, I was bored by it. I don't want my little man to brave the endless perils of The Great Wall, jumping pits and ducking missiles. I really do have better things to do with my time.

One of them, however, is not playing Woks! - a wacky, fun-filled search through the eastern castle's rooms for misplaced woks whilst avoiding guards too stupid to do more than follow tedious pre-set patterns. If you thought Blue Ribbon's Joey was the worst Chuckie Egg type game, then you ain't seen nothing yet!

I know, I know. Budget software so what do you expect? Well, sorry Antarctic, in my book budget doesn't mean rubbish.