Many have heard of magic, a form of trickery whereby a practitioner appeareth to affect an occurrence impossible in nature, most usual through sleight of hand or other illusion. While it serveth to amuse, no use doth come of this underhandery, save for those jesters and troubadours who find means to extort income from such prestidigitations.
Alas, few are aware that there be a discipline of relation, the ancient and long forgotten art of cobblers. Practised by an order exclusive of wizards in the ages dark, cobblers may be put to uses many, and relieth not on illusions optic to achieve its ends. He who practiceth this cobblers, known is he as a tripe wizard. Five and twenty tripe wizards at any one time may there be, appointed by the great Tripe Sorceror his self. Underwizards selected to take the great ordeal by tripe, may honoured indeed be considered.
Cobblers worketh by the truth that in any thing existeth there a name, and this name be known as a tripe pointer. Through incantation or utterance of this pointer, a learned wizard might cause the item to change form or course, and perchance even to disappear complete.
Good day, noble and wise tripe underwizard. Through the mists of time and space, and the rubber keyed portal of Cam Bridge, the Grand Sorceror Aethelheard of Hundleby hath seen at first hand thy abilities through the manipulation of sprites on the portal of keys rubber, and he hath seen fit to bestow upon thee an opportunity to join the Grand Order of Tripe Wizards. Thou hast many trials and ordeals before thee, and the tasks set by the Sorceror shall test thy abilities to the point where they do break. Canst thou emerge glorious from thy examination?
Succeed in thy quest and Aethelheard shall grant thee many oxen strong and of good health. Also, eight and one score caricates of land to the east of Tilchestune, worth nine shillings a year. They who fail shall be cast into the brown pit of despair by Tramiel, the Arch-Demon. Thou wilt suffer the bitter agonies of his four and sixty curses. To an underwizard of the rubber keyed portal of Cam Bridge, this be a fate much worse than death. Oh Lordy!
Furnished with keys is thy rubber portal, the letters of the alphabet to present. The keys be used to utter thy tripe, and achieve thy objectives. Seer, be quick of hand, and sharp of wit.
The tests be swift and take many forms. Move they, from each to the next, with no time for rest betwixt. An instruction brief will be given before each task, beyond which tis up to thee. As a seer or underwizard, tripe pointers will be visible to thee upon the display generated by the portal of the keys rubber. For thee tis to utter the relevant tripe pointer to achieve thy effect desired. Forgetst thou not the Enter key.
Understandest thou any of this cobblers? Nay, I thought not. Look, knowest thou how difficult it be to devise plots for games unbalanced, such as this? Complain not, for tempted was I to not bother at all. Also, consider thyself lucky I mentioned not aardvarks nor buckets of custard.
Copyright belongeth to Jonathan Cauldwell. All rights reserved. No Part of this program may be copied or distributed withour prior written permission of the author.
Thank goodness for that.
Designed and written by Jonathan Cauldwell, April 2010 - January 2011. Music by Yerzmyey, 2011.
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