Craggy-faced, cliché-spewing managers often harp on about football being 'a funny old game', but when this sentiment is taken literally and applied to a videogame, our enthusiasm droops quicker than Sven's over-active member when the morning tabloids arrive.

Sega Soccer Slam is the latest cheesy culprit (after All-Star Soccer and RedCard) that tries to inject humour onto the pitch via over-the-top tackles, ludicrous tricks and bolshy commentary.

Picking from a plethora of fictitious teams, players must embark on a series of four-a-side matches in which cricket-sized scores can be achieved by mercilessly flooring opponents and then punting the ball net-wards via a series of over-elaborate shots. Each team features its own unique roster of degenerates and each can be 'powered-up' by purchasing such performance-enhancing kit as eye-skewering knuckle dusters and headgear that supposedly improves your passing game.

The pitches are scaled down to contain your three controllable outfield players and the ball never goes into touch, so the whole thing plays like a twisted, drug-addled game of pinball complete with swirly, Matrix-style cameras to highlight the more far-fetched onfield feats.

Okay, so maybe it sounds like fun, but after only a few minutes' play the joke goes stale and what remains is a boring game, of spoofball. Just pitiful.

Remember Macedonia? This is ten times more painful to endure.

Because, post-apocalypse, it's the only football game remaining?

It's just offensive.