I am writing to complain about the appalling standard of letters in your publication. They seem to indicate a total disregard for the aspirations and opinions of the average pirate in the street.
Two points which the crew of this vessel and I find particularly disturbing seem to appear in your letters pages more often than is seemly for a magazine which purports to represent the 'free' computer press. I think you should clear the air once and for all.
My point is this: the sick and the elderly in our society can no longer be expected to fork out £14.95 for Aviator or the even more outrageous £330 for Lotus 1-2-3. These people depend on financial planning aids of this nature to make ends meet. It is with deep regret that we, The Guild of Software Pirates, are forced out of the market place by irresponsible 'protection'. We seem to have heard that term before (but then it was referring to the Mafia...)
This, allied with illegal copying of our work has driven many a dishonest businessman to the seedy, notoriously world of tax-exile - it can no longer be tolerated.
The second point on which I want some form of explanation is this: have the letters pages of the nation's computer magazines been taken over by loony right wing particle physicist smart ass bores, trying to do bold Sir Clive out of an honest crust with their mimsy, pernickety criticism of the name Quantum Lurch?
Ever since it appeared in 'New Scientist', letters pages have been innundated with sycophantic, 'me-too' letters, informing the great unwashed of the precise scientific meaning of the word 'Quantum'. Where is your imagination? Surely one of you perspicacious plagiarists could copy something less predictable. Where are all the facetious remarks about 'the Charge on the Electron'?
As the great man once said "...Many take to Science out of a joyful sense of superior intellectual power..." Come on then fellas - show us what you're made of.
If anyone at Virgin software reads this then they should know that charging £7.95 for 'Owzat is nothing short of criminal.
Jolly Roger and his chums
HMS Dodgy Bodger