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Hot on the heels of the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger film Conan The Barbarian comes this rather rushed action adventure game. Unless it's hot on the heels of the 1997 TV series Conan, starring Ralf Moeller (who hell he?), in which case it's only been seven years and you can excuse the rush. This is of course sarcasm, which people with enormous muscles and tiny pants don't need to understand - indeed shouldn't understand - so we should be all right.

Unsurprisingly, Conan does quite a bit of fighting, so it's rather unfortunate that it's so unsatisfying. It's all about finding the right moment in an opponent's animation - strike just before they land a blow and chances are you can do the same thing over and over until they die. This is quite boring. If the blow connects with you, however, trying to retaliate leaves you open to being thrashed in exactly the same way, smacked at the same point in the animation over and over until you die. But you don't go straight to hell, boy... there's purgatory first - well, a mystical arena with a sky of flying rocks, where you get one more chance to beat your opponents having reflected on your mistakes - at length - while it loads. This is also boring.

You get sixteen weapons, fifty combos, ten bosses and multiplayer arenas for two. Our favourite bit is when Conan slips on ice and falls over. And that's not sarcasm.

Sound 60%
The voice artists took this very seriously...

Gameplay 50%
Walk, jump, climb, slice. Repeat.

Lifespan 50%
Intrusive loading and wearisome fights.

Overall 50%
He looks nothing like Arnie, but you've probably never seen him as Conan anyway. Beyond that it's standard fantasy nonsense.