Not one to break a chain or go back on years of tradition. Dominic has stolen the music from Auf Wiedersehen Monty to use in his demo. What is the fascination with this track? it never seems to fit with the demos I've seen it naughtily put on - it's too stately - but people pinch it anyway.

Hang on, I'll just ask Russ Abbott, the popular family entertainer, why this should happen. (Pause.) Apparently. it's because Monty is very easy to hack. (Thanks, Russ.) A jolly nice intro screen (why a dragon? Why a duck? But I digress) leads in to an incredibly corny dedication ('to my parents and friends for their never-ending patience') before a gigantic logo bounces down from the top of the screen and (oh not) the Monty music kicks off in the background. A quick stab at the SPACE bar and a massive attribute scrolly jerks its way across the screen saying, well, nothing much really. But! If you leave it running, a vertical scrolly suddenly zips in and starts contradicting the main message. Cue loads of schizophrenia jokes which, it has to be said, aren't that [They aren't that funny. - Ed] Thanks.

Part Two will go down in demo lore as one of those routines that seemed a good idea at the time. A double-height scrolly wavers across the screen (get that timing right!) while a succession of lines drifts out from the centre of the screen in an effort to appear 3D. Sadly, it doesn't work one iota. A random sample of passers-by agreed that the effect (and I quote) 'looks just like a load of lines really.' Oh well. If you hadn't guessed by now, Magician is crap. Dodgy effects (except for the vertical attribute scrolly), ripped music and a dull message - three strikes and it's out (or something).