How To Be A Complete Bastard (Virgin) Review | Zzap - Everygamegoing


How To Be A Complete Bastard
By Virgin Games
Commodore 64

Published in Zzap #32

How To Be A Complete Bastard

Ade Edmondson, BA(stard) has decided to follow-up his book with a computer game. The player controls the obnoxious author around a Yuppie party he has gate-crashed and tries to offend as many guests as possible, causing them to leave. While doing this, he attempts to score points for carrying out particularly horrible deeds, such as putting clingfilm over the toilet and hurling dog mess around the room.

The display is in 'Bastavision' which comprises two viewing screens, each of which can display four different angles of the trainee idiot. This means that the player views his protegee from the side and behind simultaneously.

While roaming the house, Ade searches household furniture for items to help carry out his horrible pranks. The most significant of these include urinating and passing wind, preferably in public places for maximum offence. The potential for these acts of indecency are measured on two meters either side of the screen, which increase the more Ade consumes or imbibes.

Ultimately, Ade attempts to score points for grossness, and when he manages to make a guest leave, one of the letters in 'Complete Bastard' lights up at the bottom of the screen. His unsavoury task is deemed complete when all the letters are lit.


The book is amusing in a lavatorial sort of way, but unfortunately the computer version falls flat on its face.

Once you've seen all the jokes and done all pranks, the action becomes very tedious and there's very little urge to continue. The sprites are poorly animated, and the background graphics are pathetic.

Sound effects are a rarity, and the title tune isn't in character with the action. Ade moves around the house at a staggeringly slow speed, which makes the action terribly frustrating. If you want to be both amused and entertained, buy the book and put the change towards a couple of good budget titles.


I'm a great fan of 'sexy' Ade Edmondson, and have followed his antics from 'The Young Ones' to 'Comic Relief' - he's hilarious! So, why don't I find this game particularly funny?

Maybe it's because the so-called humour is incredibly infantile. When you have features like 'fartometers' and 'weeometers', it does seriously make me wonder what computer games are coming to!

The graphics are totally pathetic, with feeble sprites staggering around a series of unclear and unimaginative backdrops. The £10 price tag has got to be the funniest thing of all.


Presentation 59%
Good packaging, but an awkward and unclear display.

Graphics 31%
Tiny, badly animated and monochrome backdrops.

Sound 42%
A few effects and an unsuitable title tune.

Hookability 52%
The display is confusing, but the jokes amuse.

Lastability 34%
It doesn't take long for the humour to wear thin, and once this happens there's little to keep you playing.

Overall 33%
A poor attempt at a dubious conversion.