Grand Monster Slam

Publisher: Golden Goblins
Machine: Amiga 500

Published in Zzap #51

Grand Monster Slam

Beloms aren't exactly vicious creatures. These small furry balls are either masochistic or stupid - they let everyone else kick them around, literally. The beloms are used in the weird sport of Grand Monster Slam where two competitors stand at either end of a pitch, trying to kick all twelve beloms over the other side, the main tactic being to knock your opponent over.

The height of kicks is determind by how long the fire button is pressed, while they can also be aimed left/right. If a player kicks a belom into the crowed, a penalty (taken by kicking a duck!) is awarded to his opponent. If the penalty is successful, three of the taker's beloms are sent over to the other side.

Playing against various computer opponents, you must win three matches to advance to the next of three leagues. Between matches, a 'Revenge Of The Beloms' sub-game is played. The overhead view shows the player surrounded by nine angry beloms. They attack one at a time, and a given number musy be knocked away with a staff to retain the score from the previous match.

Grand Monster Slam

If three matches are won, the player proceeds to another sub-game, Faulton Feeding. Six reptilian faultons sit on progressively higher poles, waiting, in turn, to be fed. The player has a single attempt for each one, kicking a belom into its open mouth. A certain number of faultons (two on the first level; four on the second) must be fed to qualify for the next league.


The sick humour featured in Grand Monster Slam makes it initially very appealing! But those poor beloms have a hard time of it - I wonder if the RSPCA know about this sport!

Presentation throughout the game is very good - the weird computer opponents are especially well animated with some humorous touches. The concept of two competitors, kicking things at each other is reminiscent of the old 'Crossfire' board game, but with the added attraction of being able to knock your opponent over.

Grand Monster Slam

This simple idea makes the game instantly playable and surprisingly addictive, but the lack of a two player mode lessens the long-term appeal. And with just the two simple sub-games, there's a general lack of variety in gameplay.


Kicking furry things at each other seems a weird thing to do, but it's great fun for a while at least. All the opponents have different abilities, so you need to change your tactics slightly for each one.

Having said that, once a basic strategy is mastered, it's too easy to progress through the leagues, the main obstacles being the tricky sub-games.

Grand Monster Slam

To get to the final league, four of the six faultons must be fed, and if you fail you must play in the second league again - especially irritating for C64 tape users, as each opponent must be multi-loaded in.

Still, if you fancy a lighthearted 'sports' game, this is the funniest one yet.

Verdict: C64

Presentation 67%
The tape multi-load is irritating, but each opponent has a full, humorous description.

Grand Monster Slam

Graphics 72%
Only two different pitches, but the players are well animated.

Sound 65%
A good 'medieval' title tune and informative in-game effects.

Hookability 80%
The amusing gameplay has you in stitches from the first go.

Grand Monster Slam

Overall 71%
The appeal may not be long-lasting, but the game is great fun until completed.

Verdict: Amiga

Presentation 80%
Detailed opponent profiles and options to practise the two sub-games.

Graphics 78%
A lack of scenery variety, but the humorous animation of the players is well achieved.

Grand Monster Slam

Sound 81%
The pounding theme tune and jingles really set a good atmosphere.

Hookability 82%
Easy-to-understand gameplay and plenty of humour provide instant appeal.

Lastability 58%
Not that much of a challenge to complete. A two-player mode would have been welcome.

Overall 72%
Lacking the complex gameplay normally associated with 16-bit releases, but undoubtedly the funniest, furriest sports game ever.