Zzap


Caveman Ugh-Lympics

Categories: Review: Software
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Machine: Commodore 64/128

 
Published in Zzap #45

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

Ask anyone when the Olympic games first took place and they'd probably say Ancient Greece - but they'd be wrong. Unknown to most people, the first games actually took place many years before this, in the days of wild creatures and cave dwellers. They were called the Ugh-Lympics (cue dramatic fanfare - da dadada da da da *daaaa*!)

The games were only for the hardest, cleverest and most athletic cave-people in the world - or, failing that, anyone stupid enough to take part. The contest consisted of six events: Clubbing, Fire-making, Male-toss, Dino Vault, Sabre Race and Dino Race. Over the years of pre-history, a number of individuals have managed to rise to high athletic status and be credited in the caves of fame. These athletes include Vincent, Gronk, Crudia, Glunk, Thag and Ugha.

You have the opportunity to take the part of one of these heroes in the great contest. After selecting your character and nominating a sponsor (such as Bzunk's Mammoth Meat or Nicestink Perfumes) you can select whether to practise an event, look at the records or take part in the whole competition.

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

The events are played as follows:

1. Mate-Toss This requires you to whirl around - by moving the joystick in a circle - and throw your girlfriend the furthest possible distance.

2. Sabre Race In this event you must waggle the joystick to escape the pursuing sabre-toothed tiger and climb a tree at the end of the course: otherwise, the tiger will catch up and eat you!

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

3. Fire Making To win you must light your fire first by rubbing two sticks together than blowing the sparks alight. You can club your opponent if you feel like it.

4. Clubbing This is a piece of utter brainless violence. Bash your opponent off the edge before he does it to you.

5. Dino Race Ride your trustee lizard-steed over the rough terrain and cross the line first to win.

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

6. Dino Vault Use a handy piece of lengthy stick to jump the chasm and leap over the beast's head or even up being spat over the horizon.

ME

When I saw Caveman Ugh-Lympics for the first time, I found the whole thing entertaining and fun to play, but after a few games the humour began to rub off, leaving - in my opinion - a simple sports-type game.

The graphics are good, with large, nicely-drawn figures leaping, running and smashing hell out of each other, much to everyone's amusement (the opening scene is particularly funny in a Python-esque sort of way).

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

The overall presentation, on the other hand, isn't too impressive: I can see cassette owners getting extremely frustrated with the loading system. Anyhow, if you're the kind of person that likes a laugh and can see jokes a number of times and still find them funny, then Caveman Ugh-Lympics is for you.

GH

Yeah! At last a really funny and *different* alternative to the endless procession of Olympic and other Games variants! This is dead good fun - my favourite event is the Fire Making, because the expressions on the winners' faces are just hilarious!

The graphics are all big, colourful and cartoony, and are only let down by the scrolling on a couple of events; the 'bad' tunes, on the other hand, crack me up (Oh well... I'm easily pleased). It's really refreshing when you get a game like this in for review: go out, buy it and have a laugh - if you can stick tedious multi-load systmes, that is.

KH

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

Ugga, ugaaaa, nif, nif, clunk - yeah! Just my sort of game, this. Bumbling around in a pair of hairy underpants, bashing red-nosed Gronks over the head and leaping like a ravin' mad person over dinosaurs - right up my street.

Electronic Arts have really gone out of their way to include as many loony details as they possible can so you can watch your mates get thrown into the sea, club their skulls in and generally behave like a very irresponsible prehistoric person.

Maybe the events aren't quite as long-lasting as the sort you get in a lot more serious and everso high-brow sports simulations - but I just don't care. It's at least as much fun winning a fire-making contest or the dino-vault as it is to dive or hurdle your way to success! Er... didn't think much of the mate-tossing, though...

Verdict

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

Presentation 53%
Excellent cartoon touches, but abysmal multi-loading system.

Graphics 85%
Large and humorously animated sprites, but poor scrolling at times.

Sound 56%
The bad tunes are supposed to be funny, but it falls a bit flat.

Caveman Ugh-Lympics

Hookability 81%
Good fun at first, due to the sense of humour and variety of events...

Lastability 69%
...but it may become tedious eventually. Still, there's always a high score to beat.

Overall 80%
A worthy investment if you want entertaining for a couple of weeks.